Trying to stay positive

So I survived my recent quarantine, coming out just in time for Izzy’s Birthday and Easter.  We made the best of the weekend as we could with everything on lockdown.    Chris made her a my little pony birthday cake late the night before.  It was impressive!

In keeping with my usual blog theme I have failed miserably at dieting the past 3-4 weeks.  A world wide pandemic and lockdown does seem like a good excuse but I am a bit annoyed at myself for putting a stop to my speedy reductions.  I think it’s more of a comfort eating thing which has always been an issue for me.  I work as a nurse so am still going in to work whilst everyone else I know is at home.  Every time I open twitter or a news site it’s full of posts about the latest health care worker who has died or the latest PPE scandal because the government have royally fucked up or people just having a bit of a rant about being stuck indoors which is equally difficult as yeah I like my job but I’d give anything to be able to be at home safe with my family waiting for this to all blow over….. yeah I know I chose the job I have and have a certain skill set but no one chose this. I’m not wanting to get “political” so I will leave that there.  I just need to stop eating my feelings!

Things have reached a point though where it’s  tough.  We’re getting a bit stir crazy, I feel guilty being able to leave the house and interact with other people for work.  I guess the tables have turned a bit in our family dynamic as I’ve always been the parent at home more due to part time hours.  I just hope Izzy will be ok, she starts school in September. The world will be a very different place.

After my bring down I’m going to concentrate on a few positives-

– Random act of kindness- someone on my Facebook invited me to a random act of kindness group. You post your amazon wish list and other members order you something off of it. I was a bit sceptical at first but I’ve been sent some nice gifts which have picked me up and been a welcome treat when I’ve got home from work.  I’ve also sent a few gifts myself so I am paying it forward.

-Thursday clap- This has been nice, my street have gotten louder each week, Izzy joins in with a recorder someone left at our house. It’s nice to see everyone try and outdo themselves each week.  I’m seeing some negative Facebook posts about it.  Just let people clap.

– School-  Iz got the school we applied for and starts in September.  A plus from the negative is Chris is getting to spend a lot of time with Iz before she starts school which he may not have gotten to do if we weren’t in a pandemic.

– Randomness-  I’m getting some right random stories from people during lock down.  I’m finding my parents hilarious with their neurosis  about milk and bread and the “you’ll never guess what your mum/dad did today” type stories.  Random dad joke of the day from family that pop up out of the blue.  We did a “pub quiz” the other night and we won! I’m not sure what we won- I think an entry to the next quiz and bragging rights.

-Kindness- It’s amazing to see how many companies and people are sending stuff to staff to try and help/support during this time. I got some uniform bags today so I can bring my used uniform home and chuck it in the wash.  Someone sat and made them for us all.  It’s so nice to be receiving stuff like that because people don’t have to do anything but they are.  I just need to find one of those face mask holders! I’m not sure what’s wrong with the shape of my head but the masks with the ear hooks are baggy on me. I’d like to think it’s due to weight loss but I’ve just got weird ears and don’t suit making bun type pig tails to hook them on to.

Theres a lot more to be positive about that I need to keep concentrating on.  This isn’t forever and I should really use this time to learn or do something new… or you know, stick to the diet whilst most pubs, restaurants and social things are shut so there’s minimal temptation. I could be at least 4 stone lighter by my birthday in August. For the first time ever I could be something resembling “summer ready”.  Alas… haribo and fancy coffee exists.

 

Man down

Or woman down as the case may be. I developed symptoms of COVID 19. I’d have probably ignored them if it weren’t for being a contact of several positive cases and isolating people.  I am now hiding out in my bedroom whilst Chris looks after Iz.  I’m really hoping they don’t develop symptoms.

I know it’s not the flu but that is the closest thing I can probably compare it to? It feels like when I caught swine flu back in 09.  I’ll break down my symptoms below just to scare the hypochondriacs among us.

Fever- I’ve not had a fever really (yet). I’ve gone over 37 degrees a couple of times  I don’t really do fevers, even when I’ve been really sick in the past after having Izzy and when I had a raging strep throat infection I think I broke 38 for the infection, post op sepsis with Izzy  I managed 37.5.  That said I’m getting the fever type symptoms I usually get which I know means I’m getting sick.  I’ve been so ratty and moaning at everyone.

Hot  and cold- this links in to the fever side I guess but an odd symptom.  I keep getting hot to the point of agitated, kicking all the covers off but In doing so I get really cold and start to shiver.  At the moment I’m ok though I guess it’s almost 20 degrees and I’m tucked up in bed.

Fatigue- So tired. So so tired  going to the loo and back feels like a mission.  I’m isolating upstairs so fortunately no stairs, I think I’d have to rest half way up. My attention span is rubbish.  This blog post is a push but I’m trying to keep myself entertained. My mum just asked me if I feel up to using my exercise equipment “shame it’s not upstairs” I’d laugh but it’d tire me out.

Body aches- My legs and feet keep really aching.  They’ve stopped so far today but it’s not fun!  Generally a bit achey.  Feels like I’ve walked miles but clearly haven’t. I keep getting headaches that come and go.

Cough- Fortunately  so far I’m not coughing as bad as some people have said but I have a cough and sometimes it’s productive, sometimes just dry and hurty.  My chest hurts and I’m trying to sit up/ lay in chest supportive positions as best I can to make sure I don’t add to the problem.

Other- I’ve got a bit of a runny nose/post nasal drip which is annoying, I’m in a dark room- not too fond of the light at the moment. I was a bit confused last night when I woke up after being asleep and it was dark etc, I can remember feeling confused and I think I spoke to Chris as he was grabbing something from our room.  Luckily I’m ok at the moment but that was a horrible feeling.

Appetite- I’ve lost it a bit but have kept eating my bars as I know they’ve got the required nutrients in/I think out of boredom. Old habits die hard!  I’ve not lost my sense of taste yet but I do think things have reduced a bit as sweet and bitter seem more intense.  I’ve got nausea which comes and goes which is horrible.  Fortunately so far no other digestive issues, hopefully things stay that way.

Test- My colleague is going to see if work can sanction me a test, it might not be possible as I can’t drive and walking to the toilet is a mission so walking to work is off the table.  Unless Chris gets symptoms and is well enough to drive I don’t think I will be able to access it.  It seems unreasonable to get someone to come to my front door.

I’m keeping busy by watching Disney plus and other tv.  I have my laptop as I do have some uni work to do but I just can’t concentrate enough at the moment so we shall see.  It feels really strange isolating in my room.  As I said before I really hope Iz and Chris are ok, it is really hard not being able to give them hugs.

Hope you are all keeping well! I think it’s nap time again for me.

 

 

So close!

Bloody typical! I was 1lb off of my 3 stone weight loss! I’m still happy though as I lost 3lb taking me up to 41lb lost Since the 5/6th of January, I forget which date I actually started now.

I am happy to think though that by Friday I will be there and then some, sailing towards my next first main goal: the big 5 stone gone!!!  Ultimately I’m not sure where I will stop…. I’d be happy to be a size 16 again, even in the overweight category of bmi.  Shopping would be easier and I’d not look and feel too big.  Let’s face it I’d never get a “bikini body” (without a bit of surgery at least).

I did have a cheat meal tonight though which I will not make a habit of!  We got a bit low talking about the virus and work stuff and decided Chinese food was an acceptable choice. I’m thinking “just my luck to be on a diet during a pandemic.” But I’ve  got to still plan for the long term.  It will be tricky, especially as I’ve got things for baking to keep Izzy entertained when we’re stuck for things to do but I guess if things get that bad having a sniff of some cake will be the least of my worries.  It’s Izzy’s birthday in about a month, I think she is expecting something spectacular birthday cake wise after the gruffalo creation last year. At least if Chris is working from home he will have time to plan and design it… she keeps telling me about the cakes I made for daddy and uncle Richard for their birthdays, I didn’t know 3 year olds were so good at dropping hints..

I suppose I’d better get some sleep as it is going to be a busy week. At least the steps will help my weight loss…. I can’t help thinking about the amount of milk my mum said she’s got in for supplies… at least it wasn’t toilet roll I suppose.

Un expected

I’m not sure why but I’ve been craving ready salted crisps.  The most boring flavour in the world.  I’ve not given in to the demand… maybe I need to put some more salt on my dinner tonight?  I probably have enough in my system from years of neglect to meet my bodies demands for sodium.

I’ve had a quiet few days, I think the shock of going in to work for one day after leave left me feeling a bit rubbish.  I have been in a sad/contemplative mood though.  I found out that a little while ago someone I once knew had died. I feel like a dick as I think it happened last year, I only noticed because I clicked on a Facebook time hop and his page said in memorial.  I was shocked, I knew him during his training as he was a student when I was a newly qualified nurse and then we met up a few times years later as we both lived in Brighton at the same time.  It’s just sad, he was a nice guy and had so much of life ahead of him.

I think these things just make you aware of your own mortality and how rubbish everyone is (my self included) at keeping in touch with each other.  That and I’m too young to start having conversations like  “do you know such and such, they died :(“.  I know wherever this person is he will be lighting up the place.

So yeah,  sorry if we’ve not spoken for a while. Drop me a comment or a message and I’m sure we will pick up where we left off.

We’re off out to the sculpture park in a bit, hopefully we can get some steps in without getting too muddy.  I’ve just got to avoid the temptation of the nice lunches etc they do there.

Weigh in day tomorrow!

I had a week away in Stratford upon Avon.  It is a beautiful place with loads to do so I recommend a visit.

The only down side is I let myself have some normal food for a few meals. I didn’t add them to my fitness pal, I made the decision to let myself “have a break”.  I’m happier for it but I am straight back on plan after getting home and was suffering some side effects over the weekend which made me question my choices. I generally chose ok meals, apart from the afternoon tea I shared with my mum after going to Shakespeare’s house.

I have no idea how much the scales have budged by from the last 3 weeks.  I am starting to see a difference in my face and clothes so at least if I’ve not lost many pounds I may make things up with inches.  I found it really weird eating some carb heavy food, I found myself hungry where as I’d gotten used to not feeling hungry or craving food.  I think I’m back in the diet zone now.  Annoyingly I ate all the bars and bites on holiday so I’ve been left with shakes and savoury food.  I’ve ordered more sweet stuff for my delivery tomorrow as I’ve accepted I prefer those types of things.

I’m starting  to think about exercise and making it part of my plan.  I don’t like the idea of jogging out in the street yet so may try couch to 5k on my elliptical (I’m so full of shit, believe it when I see it!)

So here is to tomorrow! Hopefully I get my 2 stone badge!

1 week “break”

I’m away this week so things are somewhat on hold.  I mean I have my diet food with me and I’m going to try to stick to as many diet meals as possible and I’ll be straight back to it when I’m home.

It’s been strange so far having a few “real meals” after several weeks of sticking to things 100%. I’ve found I have a new appreciation for food, the taste and portion size.  It doesn’t take me much to feel full and what I have had I’ve tried to stick to having more protein and less fried etc and having smaller amounts.  I had apple crumble after a roast dinner earlier but I did split the crumble with Chris.  I know I’m not going to have smashed 2000 calories in a day so there shouldn’t be any gains!  I am feeling shame though for deviating from my plans.  Which is good really as it shows I am taking things seriously.

I did make a plan with my consultant to account for my week away which was basically stick to things as best you can/ marathon not a sprint etc.  Hopefully once the weather picks up we will be walking around a lot in the week which will help.

For now, I’m waiting for the dishwasher to finish so I can make a coffee and sip it sat in front of a fire.

Week 4: One2Onediet

Well that’s week 4 over and done with.  No weigh in yesterday as my consultant is away.  I’ve decided not to peek and to have a nice surprise in a couple of weeks time when I next get weighed.  I’ve no idea what the scales could say, surely it’s impossible that I’m only dropping 1-2lb a week but even then that’d be 3-6lb.  Who knows when it comes to my awkward body!!  I might try and find my tape measure though and see the inches lost total.

I feel like I’m shrinking each day which is a nice feeling.  I can see results in my face and general body shape already.  I had a bit of a negative just now trying on some clothes I’d bought a while back.  I think they must be miss labelled as holding them up against other clothes they’re several inches smaller.  I did get them on, they just didn’t look right.  I am looking forward to the day I can buy a whole new wardrobe but I find with my shape and plus sized clothes the sizing is all over the place so I may have what I’ve got for a bit longer….  if things suddenly ramp up a bit I will just have to borrow some of Chris’s t-shirts haha!

I’ve felt a bit off this week so haven’t actually reached my calorie or water goals each day. I’ve tried but sometimes I’d have been eating for the sake of it which I’m getting myself away from doing.  I never used to get it when my skinny friends would say “I’m not hungry” or “I can’t finish this” when we’d gone a long time without eating or it was a small portion.  Turns out I was just a pig haha.  I was eating my bag of caramel bites last night and after a few I was just not really in to them.  I haven’t learnt yet as I did finish them whilst I was watching TV.  My consultant has said before about splitting products up and having half and saving the rest for later.  At first I was laughing at the thought of splitting the small amount of food up but now I get it.

I think we’re taking Iz to a soft play in a bit to burn off some energy.  She asked me earlier if my bum was small enough yet. I really wish I hadn’t used that as a story to explain things.

Week 4: One2Onediet

It feels really weird having to be organised with my food.  I’ve always been a grab whatever type unless there was something specific we fancied and made a plan for.  I guess that’s how I’ve ended up in this place writing a blog about a drastic diet I’m on….

I had to order a few weeks worth of products to keep me going until I can see my consultant again.  I was good and ordered a variety of everything.  I could so easily do the whole thing on bars and bites as they are delicious but I know it would get boring.  It’s quite nice to swap about depending on what I fancy.  I have a tendency towards sweeter things so I am making an effort. I’ve had to make sure I’ve divided everything up to fit around stuff that  I’m doing in the next few weeks.  It’s a bit hard to know though what I’ll fancy on the 10th of Feb so I’ve aimed for one product of every flavour  where I can.  This way I will hopefully not just be left with shakes and cous cous for the last few days

I had a good weekend of shopping and a hair cut! I’ve been wanting to get my hair cut for aaaaaages but things got a little bit hard with my troubles over the summer, I guess it’s a good sign I’m starting to push myself more.  After my re style I went to a really cool furniture shop called the red brick mill.  I had my first non meal out with Chris and Iz In the cafe there which was fine! I had a pot of tea and my mint bites. I have to admit I did give in to temptation and sneak a little piece of ham from Iz but it was within plan!

We then braved a local shopping centre to buy Iz more clothes as she’s growing in to 4 years stuff.  The others got a cookie which surprisingly didn’t bother me, I had black coffee.  Chris ended up giving Iz his the next day anyways.

I took Iz to a soft play Sunday with some friends and their kids. I wasn’t feeling too great so managed on some water whilst Iz had her lunch.  I had bites in my bag but I was conscious of how I was feeling and didn’t want to risk making myself ill.  I did wonder if I was just having a bit of anxiety about feeling sick etc but to be honest I did quite well in terms of getting out and about this weekend and I think anyone would have felt a bit worried when feeling how I felt.  Fortunately I’ve settled down and can put it down to “women problems” .

I’ve really not felt that hungry/ a bit off food the past few days so I’ve not been reaching my calorie goals every day.  I will try to get back on track though as there is a fine line between risking starving myself and causing problems and sticking to the plan properly.  Hopefully my days off can be a bit chilled once I’ve got all my planned jobs done.

I will end on a positive.  My clothes are feeling looser 🙂

 

 

Weigh in day 3- One2Onediet

Drum roll please…… 4lb this week!!!  I’m pleased with that.  I was told at the start week 3 can be a bit of a let down as your body realises the fat is going and refills the cells with water, waiting for them to be replenished (might fact check that but it sounds good).   Some people stay the same weight or drop 1 or 2lb.  I’m glad I’ve managed a good loss.

This takes me to 21lb gone in 3 weeks!!!  My consultant is on holiday and then I can’t make an appointment when she’s back until the week after, so unless I find some scales between now and then I’m not going to be weighed until the 18th Feb.  I might have lost another 21lb by then if I can keep this up!   I’ve got loads of the food products delivered to keep me going until the 18th and a plan in place to manage a few meals out I have coming up.  I’m feeling positive and want to continue.

Im starting to notice a difference in my size which is nice, I need to find my old jeans and belts. My face seemed so podgy and round after Christmas but I feel it’s returning to “normal”. I should be having my hair done tomorrow so that may help me feel a bit better about my appearance as well.

I’m feeling very pleased with myself 🙂 it’s a nice boost at the end of each week.

 

Day 16: One2Onediet

I’m feeling very moody today.  I’ve put it down to PMT but it’s making things so hard.  I’m not struggling with the diet.  It’s so far going great for me, I’m enjoying the food and seeing results.  My overall health seems better already.  Just eugh! Everything.

I’ve had a couple of moments of envy, like this afternoon when the house was filled with the smell of toast and Chris and Iz had beans on toast with cheese for lunch.  I ate some minty bites with a coffee which did help.  I’ve been tempted to “cheat” but then I’m only cheating myself aren’t I… what’s the point of paying for a special diet and challenging myself if I do something silly for no gain.  I can have some carby things like a slice of bread on the step I’m on but it’s a very small amount.  I’ve decided at the moment to just steer clear as it’s not worth it.   The PMT will only last a few days and hopefully I’ll be back to feeling how I did last week.

I’ve tried 2 new bars recently.  The toffee chewy bar which I’m not to keen on, it’s too soft and tastes slightly of treacle.  I like it but it feels a lot to have in one go.  I wonder if it might be better frozen? I’ve been told a curly wurly is better frozen so it might work.  I had the orange chewy bar for lunch today which I enjoyed.  It’s very orangey and chewy (no shit eh?) which despite the name I wasn’t expecting .  My consultant said the recipe is changing soon so I will be interested to see how it changes.  It felt like I was eating chocolate as well as orange sweets which was nice for how I’m feeling. I think I will add this to my rotation.

I think I’ve tried most things now besides a few shake, smoothie and soup flavours.  I’ll have to try them in future but it is hard to deviate when you know that’s your lot for the day.

I’ll end with a positive tone- I’ve started to see some changes in my shape and how clothes fit which I’m happy about.  I seems to have a sort of hour glass figure underneath it all so that will be a bonus once I’m where I need to be.