Emotions

Acknowledging I want to eat all of the food seems to have been the best step to take to get back on track. I’ve definitely been struggling with eating due to boredom or to push down my emotions with dealing with all that’s going on. Iz likely won’t be going back to nursery which is a bit heart breaking, end of an era stuff. Currently I’ve taken to expressing my emotional state out loud as “I want to eat all of the food”. Having a tea or coffee seems to help.

I’ve made a few tweaks to my plan which have helped. The diet company do their own fava beans as a snack. They’re not magic or anything so I’ve ordered some from elsewhere. They came today and were a nice buffer between breakfast and a late lunch. I’ve also taken to having popcorn ranging from 43-65 calories a bag depending on type. Again it works within the food allowances. The diet says for step 3 have x for breakfast and x for lunch made from salad but feck eating that much salad when I usually have it for dinner. I’m sensitive to too much fruit and veg. I’m getting my vitamins and minerals and the macros are working out about the same so it should be ok.

I think I’ve at least hit the 4 stone marker now. I weighed myself tonight on the “dodgy scales”, accounting for time of day and clothes worn I’m feeling confident I’m in the next stone bracket. I’ve really noticed a difference in my shape and clothes this past week. So much so my consultant mentioned it when I opened the door Friday and I’ve been sending some before and after progress pics around and you can see it. My face and shoulders have changed, my waist is more defined and my arse is noticeably smaller which is always a good thing! Even if Iz likes to tell me it’s smaller but still not small enough. Kids are great..

I’ve been thinking of baked eggs since I’d seen someone post a dish on twitter earlier. I realised I can have that as a meal. I’ve got chickpeas to use which I’m unsure of so maybe Wednesday after I’ve finished my work week I’ll try it. I need to get more adventurous with my dinners, hopefully I can put some of the negative emotions that leave me wanting to eat in to just thinking of a good meal idea. You never realise quite how addicted to food we are or mainly me! It pacifies us. I’m sure there’s 30 odd years of psychology to unpick there.

I’ve been doing better at the liquid goal. Still not 100% but been at 2l and above most days since being back on things properly. It’s getting hotter with summers arrival so I am conscious of getting more water.

let me know if you have any good 200 cal recipes, ideas for drinking more water or if you’ve found an amusing spelling mistake. My auto correct is on one at the moment and I don’t always pick up some of its changes. This has made for some interesting texts in the past week.

A kick in the butt

I was so good for so long, dropping over 40lb in what felt like a relatively short amount of time and in the grand scheme of things not much effort!

I’ve been crap lately. I had a break over Easter as it was Izzy’s birthday and I was quarantining due to the virus. After that I got back on track a bit but then had awful women’s issues which I think has left me a bit anaemic and wanting all the food. I’ve not been terrible but I’ve eaten a lot of Chinese food for dinner recently and picked at sweets and had wine. I’m not back to how I was but it’s a slippery slope isn’t it. I eat my emotions and there are a lot of emotions around at the moment with the pandemic and general life stuff going on within the family.

I will try and be positive though, I bought some scales but they give me vastly different results each time I step on them so I think for the sake of my sanity I’ll just have to diet and see where I am when I can be weighed by my consultant again. I’m noticing a big difference in my clothes which is nice, hopefully in the next stone or two I’ll be buying new clothes as I still have a good range in my wardrobe from pre Izzy.

I’ve been good today though and just had my second product. I really fancied soup and was thinking of chicken soup and a slice of bread but I stuck to my plan. I don’t want to undo my work.

Chris has started couch to 5k and is crushing it. Hopefully I can pick it up once I’m back in to the swing of things and have some energy.

Trying to stay positive

So I survived my recent quarantine, coming out just in time for Izzy’s Birthday and Easter.  We made the best of the weekend as we could with everything on lockdown.    Chris made her a my little pony birthday cake late the night before.  It was impressive!

In keeping with my usual blog theme I have failed miserably at dieting the past 3-4 weeks.  A world wide pandemic and lockdown does seem like a good excuse but I am a bit annoyed at myself for putting a stop to my speedy reductions.  I think it’s more of a comfort eating thing which has always been an issue for me.  I work as a nurse so am still going in to work whilst everyone else I know is at home.  Every time I open twitter or a news site it’s full of posts about the latest health care worker who has died or the latest PPE scandal because the government have royally fucked up or people just having a bit of a rant about being stuck indoors which is equally difficult as yeah I like my job but I’d give anything to be able to be at home safe with my family waiting for this to all blow over….. yeah I know I chose the job I have and have a certain skill set but no one chose this. I’m not wanting to get “political” so I will leave that there.  I just need to stop eating my feelings!

Things have reached a point though where it’s  tough.  We’re getting a bit stir crazy, I feel guilty being able to leave the house and interact with other people for work.  I guess the tables have turned a bit in our family dynamic as I’ve always been the parent at home more due to part time hours.  I just hope Izzy will be ok, she starts school in September. The world will be a very different place.

After my bring down I’m going to concentrate on a few positives-

– Random act of kindness- someone on my Facebook invited me to a random act of kindness group. You post your amazon wish list and other members order you something off of it. I was a bit sceptical at first but I’ve been sent some nice gifts which have picked me up and been a welcome treat when I’ve got home from work.  I’ve also sent a few gifts myself so I am paying it forward.

-Thursday clap- This has been nice, my street have gotten louder each week, Izzy joins in with a recorder someone left at our house. It’s nice to see everyone try and outdo themselves each week.  I’m seeing some negative Facebook posts about it.  Just let people clap.

– School-  Iz got the school we applied for and starts in September.  A plus from the negative is Chris is getting to spend a lot of time with Iz before she starts school which he may not have gotten to do if we weren’t in a pandemic.

– Randomness-  I’m getting some right random stories from people during lock down.  I’m finding my parents hilarious with their neurosis  about milk and bread and the “you’ll never guess what your mum/dad did today” type stories.  Random dad joke of the day from family that pop up out of the blue.  We did a “pub quiz” the other night and we won! I’m not sure what we won- I think an entry to the next quiz and bragging rights.

-Kindness- It’s amazing to see how many companies and people are sending stuff to staff to try and help/support during this time. I got some uniform bags today so I can bring my used uniform home and chuck it in the wash.  Someone sat and made them for us all.  It’s so nice to be receiving stuff like that because people don’t have to do anything but they are.  I just need to find one of those face mask holders! I’m not sure what’s wrong with the shape of my head but the masks with the ear hooks are baggy on me. I’d like to think it’s due to weight loss but I’ve just got weird ears and don’t suit making bun type pig tails to hook them on to.

Theres a lot more to be positive about that I need to keep concentrating on.  This isn’t forever and I should really use this time to learn or do something new… or you know, stick to the diet whilst most pubs, restaurants and social things are shut so there’s minimal temptation. I could be at least 4 stone lighter by my birthday in August. For the first time ever I could be something resembling “summer ready”.  Alas… haribo and fancy coffee exists.

 

Man down

Or woman down as the case may be. I developed symptoms of COVID 19. I’d have probably ignored them if it weren’t for being a contact of several positive cases and isolating people.  I am now hiding out in my bedroom whilst Chris looks after Iz.  I’m really hoping they don’t develop symptoms.

I know it’s not the flu but that is the closest thing I can probably compare it to? It feels like when I caught swine flu back in 09.  I’ll break down my symptoms below just to scare the hypochondriacs among us.

Fever- I’ve not had a fever really (yet). I’ve gone over 37 degrees a couple of times  I don’t really do fevers, even when I’ve been really sick in the past after having Izzy and when I had a raging strep throat infection I think I broke 38 for the infection, post op sepsis with Izzy  I managed 37.5.  That said I’m getting the fever type symptoms I usually get which I know means I’m getting sick.  I’ve been so ratty and moaning at everyone.

Hot  and cold- this links in to the fever side I guess but an odd symptom.  I keep getting hot to the point of agitated, kicking all the covers off but In doing so I get really cold and start to shiver.  At the moment I’m ok though I guess it’s almost 20 degrees and I’m tucked up in bed.

Fatigue- So tired. So so tired  going to the loo and back feels like a mission.  I’m isolating upstairs so fortunately no stairs, I think I’d have to rest half way up. My attention span is rubbish.  This blog post is a push but I’m trying to keep myself entertained. My mum just asked me if I feel up to using my exercise equipment “shame it’s not upstairs” I’d laugh but it’d tire me out.

Body aches- My legs and feet keep really aching.  They’ve stopped so far today but it’s not fun!  Generally a bit achey.  Feels like I’ve walked miles but clearly haven’t. I keep getting headaches that come and go.

Cough- Fortunately  so far I’m not coughing as bad as some people have said but I have a cough and sometimes it’s productive, sometimes just dry and hurty.  My chest hurts and I’m trying to sit up/ lay in chest supportive positions as best I can to make sure I don’t add to the problem.

Other- I’ve got a bit of a runny nose/post nasal drip which is annoying, I’m in a dark room- not too fond of the light at the moment. I was a bit confused last night when I woke up after being asleep and it was dark etc, I can remember feeling confused and I think I spoke to Chris as he was grabbing something from our room.  Luckily I’m ok at the moment but that was a horrible feeling.

Appetite- I’ve lost it a bit but have kept eating my bars as I know they’ve got the required nutrients in/I think out of boredom. Old habits die hard!  I’ve not lost my sense of taste yet but I do think things have reduced a bit as sweet and bitter seem more intense.  I’ve got nausea which comes and goes which is horrible.  Fortunately so far no other digestive issues, hopefully things stay that way.

Test- My colleague is going to see if work can sanction me a test, it might not be possible as I can’t drive and walking to the toilet is a mission so walking to work is off the table.  Unless Chris gets symptoms and is well enough to drive I don’t think I will be able to access it.  It seems unreasonable to get someone to come to my front door.

I’m keeping busy by watching Disney plus and other tv.  I have my laptop as I do have some uni work to do but I just can’t concentrate enough at the moment so we shall see.  It feels really strange isolating in my room.  As I said before I really hope Iz and Chris are ok, it is really hard not being able to give them hugs.

Hope you are all keeping well! I think it’s nap time again for me.

 

 

Who diets during a pandemic ?

Me that’s who 😦

I’ve been trying to stick to my diet with all that’s going on but it is very tricky. The stress and worry kinda makes me want to eat all of the food!!! I have been good (ish) and not eaten all of the food, well until today at least.  I’ve given in to the urge and ordered some Indian food for dinner. I just really fancy it and don’t feel too great. I think it’s hay fever from the tree blossom but I’m paranoid due to the virus. If I didn’t have to go to work at the hospital we would be in full quarantine mode.

It really is a strange feeling being allowed out to work when everyone else has to stay home.  Chris and Iz are at home 24/7 so I do worry a little bit for them being cooped up but they’re dropping me off and picking me up so at least they get a trip out when I’m working.  I’ve managed to get an amazon prime now delivery so we have some salad and meat in the house for a few days. I still want to try and avoid shops as much as I can. Partly to keep myself safe, partly to limit the spread to others as I’d not forgive myself if I were an asymptomatic super spreader.

I have a good stock of my diet food. I am being easier on myself at the moment- it’s a marathon and not a sprint. I baked bread With Iz the other day and I had some.  The carb bloat really affected my weight loss this week but it’s ok… I know eating 800 calories most days will result in weight loss. I’m noticing it in my clothes a lot more now, my dress I’m wearing today feels like it would fall off me if I relaxed my shoulders a bit.

I plan to have a break Easter weekend as it’s Izzys 4th birthday and Easter.  We’re going to hopefully bake her a cake and I got some yummy chocolate bits in to make up for the fact we will be in lockdown still.

Stay safe everyone!!!

So close!

Bloody typical! I was 1lb off of my 3 stone weight loss! I’m still happy though as I lost 3lb taking me up to 41lb lost Since the 5/6th of January, I forget which date I actually started now.

I am happy to think though that by Friday I will be there and then some, sailing towards my next first main goal: the big 5 stone gone!!!  Ultimately I’m not sure where I will stop…. I’d be happy to be a size 16 again, even in the overweight category of bmi.  Shopping would be easier and I’d not look and feel too big.  Let’s face it I’d never get a “bikini body” (without a bit of surgery at least).

I did have a cheat meal tonight though which I will not make a habit of!  We got a bit low talking about the virus and work stuff and decided Chinese food was an acceptable choice. I’m thinking “just my luck to be on a diet during a pandemic.” But I’ve  got to still plan for the long term.  It will be tricky, especially as I’ve got things for baking to keep Izzy entertained when we’re stuck for things to do but I guess if things get that bad having a sniff of some cake will be the least of my worries.  It’s Izzy’s birthday in about a month, I think she is expecting something spectacular birthday cake wise after the gruffalo creation last year. At least if Chris is working from home he will have time to plan and design it… she keeps telling me about the cakes I made for daddy and uncle Richard for their birthdays, I didn’t know 3 year olds were so good at dropping hints..

I suppose I’d better get some sleep as it is going to be a busy week. At least the steps will help my weight loss…. I can’t help thinking about the amount of milk my mum said she’s got in for supplies… at least it wasn’t toilet roll I suppose.

I’m still on it

The diet is still going well.  I’ve been so busy at work with all this Covid-19 stuff I’ve not had the mental space to think and write.  I lost 3lb last week and measured a few inches off which I was happy with.  Things have slowed a bit but I think that may be hormone related.. we shall see!

My weigh in is tomorrow, I hope to try and drink a lot today to flush my system. Iz stills keeps quizzing me about my bum getting smaller.  She’s started bringing me toy food from her kitchen but she tells it’s “special food to make mummy’s bum smaller”. At least she understands in some way.

I had some baked beans last night for the first time in ages.  They’re a “red” on my food list but I can have them the odd rare occasion. Beans never tasted so good.  I think where I’ve weened off excessive sugar, salt etc things are starting to taste really strong and flavourful, which is a nice bonus really as I am finding I appreciate things more.  I’m planning how to increase my water intake today.. drinking is weird, you never think twice about demolishing a pitcher of cocktail but a few pints of water is a bit off putting!

I’ve got 4lb to lose to reach 3 stone!!! I really hope I get it tomorrow.